Long before my first psychedelic experience, intuitive inner reflection was a focus in my life. I merely saw the process as a means of “self-improvement” because I didn’t yet understand how deep it went. Later, I learned that this process I’d been using for years happened to fit under John Lilly’s theory on ’metaprogramming’. Through each individual’s unique metaprogramming methods, there exist ways in which we can reverse-engineer our mental constructs.
I personally would take my experience of specific emotions, and attach these states to potent processes and symbols. When I noticed thoughtforms and patterns in action that no longer seemed conducive to my functioning within the fullest embodiment of truth, I would make the journey down to the roots of the subconscious to see what kind of psychosurgery I might be able to perform.
My quest to get back in touch with an earlier version of myself that had yet to become guarded by trauma brought me to the realization that these exact traumas were the same life experiences that had cultivated the very best and most willful facets of my current passions. Yet at the same time, I could allow for neither the negative effects of these experiences, nor my appreciation of life’s irony for what it was, to skew my boundaries or excuse such behaviors. I set out to reconcile the concept of this simultaneous blessing and curse by mastering the unification of both in myself-- through forgiveness for self and other.
The levels of irony in the process were not lost on me-- in fact, this irony became an important part of my therapy. It involved the act of simultaneously accepting all difficulties in life, while still experiencing the emotions provoked by them at the same time. This didn’t equate to not caring-- it only worked IF I cared.
Psychedelics in particular are great for mastery of the most awe-some paradoxes that pervade life. In a sense, the psychedelic mindstate can teach us how to contradict ourselves with grace. This life often plays out as a sort of dualistic duel, or at least that is what the powers that be seem to like for us to think. Good/bad; positive/negative; pleasure/pain; us/them. I learned how to use the mechanism of duality to set myself free rather than box myself in. Psychedelics can help us to catalyze a kind of ‘logical’ love for self as well as other, whose power releases us from mental feedback loops— the kind that tend to keep us trapped in the existential muck of old habits and thoughtforms. When psychedelic medicine is introduced into a system on any scale, deciding for ourselves happens — not only on an individual level, but also on a wider, cultural scale. In a society that basically operates off swindling people into forfeiting their own consent, deciding for oneself can be considered a threat.
So as we see, while this reclamation of personal power is immensely therapeutic, our goal is also to integrate it in the spirit of selflessness, so that the medicine of the psychedelic actually translates to everyday life. It will not work otherwise. All the same, the ego loves to cling to anything it’s able to find pride in. Therefore, understanding this can backfire if we don’t understand how to put these lessons to the test in the real world. After all, we find so many ‘outdated’ rules and social issues that very quickly send us off course, away from our flow, dragging us down into moral ambiguity. Some may use this as justification for all sorts of fearful and hateful behaviors. So while many of us will, at some point, reach a transitory state of pure love and oneness with the Universe when close to or in the throes of an ego death state, sometimes this transcendental awareness simply does not translate into a healthy practice on the more ordinary (and complicated, and political!) side of the dualistic mirror.
I know by now that this power alone is hardly enough to be implemented into a loving and sustainable practice. If one runs with the realized truth that they are their own God, manifesting their own convicted decisions and have all the power to decide for oneself, along with these implemented boundaries between self and other, one also needs to take considerable time to learn the art of humility, patient acceptance, prolonged surrender, and unconditional regard for the other. If this fails to be met, the ego may get stuck on its second wave. I have tragically witnessed many psychedelic professionals continuing to surf on this ‘second wave of the ego’ for their entire observable careers. The type of self-worth that has been elicited in these individuals may be profound; but it is not humble, nor tempered. These people have trouble validating the realities of others; while on the other hand, the people whose realities they aren’t validating still look up to them and give them the attention they crave.
I’ve been involved in the psychedelic community for long enough to notice certain patterns in the social paradigm. I remember my disillusionment upon meeting the ones considered “elders” in the psychedelic research community. It became apparent that there was a ‘spiritual worship syndrome’ that existed within these hierarchies. It was similar to the sort of ass-kissing that we see in any regular professional field; yet here, the culturally-familiar element of ‘worship’ of that which is outside of the self took on a flavor of cult-like mentality. I still saw the unfortunate tendency of people to focus on the teachings of others, rather than on their own truth. I still saw the same tricks taking place that we often see used to gain status in the common workplace. I was surprised to find just how many abusive behaviors were exhibited, and excused, because of somebody’s professional experience or knowledge.
I noticed it was the people who always seemed to be sharing their experiences in the boastful type of way and spoke of themselves as if they were ‘more enlightened’ that ended up seeking positions of leadership. This is the way that the entire hierarchical competition-based society is designed; to reward that type of ego-fueled behavior... so of course, the patterns were still present here in the psychedelic field!
By the time I completed my undergraduate studies, I was aware of how influential teachers in the field used psychedelics (and other drugs) to manipulate people. I saw how they used their power to siphon off the appreciation, enthusiasm, and hard work of others. After this experience, I took some time aside to re-evaluate the ethical standards of the community I had grown to love so much *because* of our shared passion for the work. The thing I really couldn’t understand was why nobody ever talked about the spiritual elephant in the room - the sheer lack of regard for the psychedelic message. The sense of worship present throughout the community, and the elders’ reveling in this attention. It was a vicious cycle. It not only threatened healthy boundaries, but also undermined the professionalism of the field itself. I couldn’t help but notice the hypocrisy given rise to when these common social norms were present; especially when juxtaposed against what the psychedelic experience embodies.
In a culture that rewards competition and personal achievement, it can be tricky business to integrate psychedelics into professionalism. We’re walking a fine line here, given that the psychedelic experience basically stands for everything contrary to the societal values of today and recent past. It’s no wonder that so many teachers come out of the woodwork exhibiting overblown self-importance — they are still very much products of our shared modern culture.
If psychedelics are going to continue making their way into the mainstream culture, we need to be asking ourselves what most healers, ‘elders’ and role models practice in their day to day lives regarding respect of others and their subjective experiences… lest, we allow the progress we’ve made to descend into a series of hierarchies fueled by cult-like mentality. To have to obscure such a design under the guise of psychotherapy would defeat the entire purpose of what psychedelics offer to us as individuals and as an evolving culture. Not only is healing performed out of self-righteousness done in vain, but we also risk losing our credibility in the process. When psychological, spiritual and therapeutic elements make up the very backbone of what is being marketed, it gives us a responsibility to meet better values in business because we need to truly embody the thing that is being marketed - and in this case, that is the psychedelic experience. We ought to defend peoples’ access to information about these medicines, and be conscious about honest marketing.
There are many people here that instead see an opportunity to gain notoriety or fame through being respected in the psychedelic culture. This attracts the attention of greedy and conceited individuals and gives way to the aforementioned spiritual worship syndrome. Perhaps it could’ve worked in tribal times, and it might still work in some ceremonial settings (given the social dynamic is consensual), but in today’s society, let’s face it - this dynamic of overblown ego / worship manifests badly between individual and other, and goes against the message of personal empowerment present in actual psychedelic experience. It certainly isn’t compatible with modern medicine, either - if this element continues to be present in our field, we’ll continue having to deal with these toxic social situations. We wouldn’t be able to accomplish much without the work of those psychedelic pioneers who came before us, but we need to stop glamorizing their status and prestige in the process. This attention only serves to feed the egos of those who want to be worshipped.
It is up to us all, as a community, to hold elders accountable for the ways in which they treat others-- to ask ourselves the hard question of whether their actions and attitudes empower us or belittle us, and what that says for our own personal interest in the cause. If you know an elder who does not practice what they preach, don’t excuse it simply because of their brilliance in other areas. If you’re going to have role models, choose them wisely. For as long as we are devoting ourselves to the advancement of psychedelics in medicine, we also hold a greater responsibility than we would otherwise for the shaping of our society within its cultural and political modalities. We strive to do this by living under the same values accentuated by the psychedelic experience - this includes personal humility, the ability to decide for oneself (healthy boundaries), and to respect the other. If somebody subjugates others to feed their ego, clearly they are no true authority - at least not on the therapeutic side of the psychedelic experience.
